Daniel spent a year in the Work and came out on the other side of loneliness.
When loneliness became too overwhelming, Daniel chose to work with it. Now he helps others who feel lonely.
When Daniel and his girlfriend broke up a year and a half ago, Daniel discovered that many of his communities and social relationships were tied up in his relationship. Along with his then-girlfriend, a large part of his social life also disappeared. Loneliness hit him, and he ended up in a black hole.
However, it wasn't the first time Daniel had felt loneliness firsthand. Already in elementary school, Daniel experienced loneliness when he was left out by his peers. Those experiences have shaped Daniel's self-esteem to this day, he believes.
Daniel has therefore previously used Ventilen, which is an offer for young people who feel lonely. And with his experience from Ventilen, he was aware that there were similar offers for people in his situation. He therefore googled 'loneliness and offers' and found Værket.
Being together about being alone
"The hardest thing is to admit it. And then take the step and do something about it. Soon after my breakup, I came to the realization that I was lonely. I quickly decided that I didn't want to feel like this again. I thought about it for a couple of weeks and then signed up," says Daniel.
For a year, Daniel went to The work, where he met with a regular group of 10-12 people once a week. At the meetings, the participants were introduced to different tools, shared experiences and talked about their individual situations. And then Daniel learned that loneliness is not a fixed quantity:
“We talk about loneliness, what is loneliness – work with different tools to become better at small talk – sometimes we talk more deeply and zoom in more on an individual person and what is the basis for her/his loneliness – because it is unique from person to person.
Volunteers are an important driving force
In addition to the 10-12 participants who come to the work, there are 3-4 volunteers who take turns attending the sessions. Together they set the framework for the activities and ensure that everyone is heard. According to Daniel, it is not without significance that it is volunteers who run the support groups. They have a different stake in it than if it had been paid staff, Daniel believes:
"It matters that they are volunteers, those we meet at the Work. They have a stake in it themselves, not because they themselves are lonely, but they bring their own experiences into it, and they do it out of interest."
A realization that it's okay
In the work, Daniel has experienced both a sense of community and good tools to work with. But the process has also helped him to realize that it is okay to be who you are. Now he rests in himself and no longer feels deprived.
“Firstly, the Work has meant that I have come out of the hole I was in. Secondly, I have learned that it is okay to be alone once in a while. I need to be alone and recharge my batteries. It is okay to have a few, good friends. Quality over quantity,” he says.
And Daniel is open about loneliness when it knocks.
"I've become better at talking about loneliness and how I feel. I've become more me. Instead of putting things away, I'm open about it. Those I've told it to have taken it well. But I haven't told everyone. It's a select few," he says.
Invite others into the community
With his experiences on both sides of loneliness, Daniel wants to pass on some good advice. It's not always easy to be the one on the outside of the community. He believes that we should be more aware of those people who don't reach out themselves - and invite them in.
“I've always had a hard time meeting new people, so my advice is if you're in a community and see some people standing on their own, try to be welcoming and invite people in. We should all be more observant and keep an eye out for others who are part of the communities,” he says.
Daniel says that good things have happened to him since he started at the work a year ago. He has a new job and a new girlfriend. He is in a good place in life where he no longer fears loneliness – now he is working with it. Where loneliness used to be overwhelming, he can now clearly see the sun behind the clouds. And if he ever needs support, he knows that the work's doors are open.
"The loneliness is not gone, I will have to live with it for the rest of my life, but now I have the tools and have worked on myself. And nurtured the relationships I have. And the good thing about the Work is that you can stay as long as you want," he concludes.
Today, Daniel works as a volunteer and helps young people who experience loneliness and who are in the same place he was a year ago.
FACTS ABOUT THE WORK
The work is a community where you meet once a week in the afternoon/evening with other adults between 30 and 60 years old, and where volunteer group leaders provide the framework for the meetings.
You become part of a group where you meet to exchange experiences and do exercises and activities within different themes.
The purpose of The work is to create a social community where, together with other adults, you can find ways to break loneliness.
Each network group can consist of up to 10-12 people, and each network has 3-4 volunteers associated with it.
The group meetings take place every Tuesday in premises in Frederiksberg.
If you would like to hear more about participating in a Værket group, please contact us using the contact information below.
vaerket.rkh@rodekors.dk
38 33 64 00